I know I shouldn't be disappointed just because my baby isn't walking yet. It just bothers me that she became afraid and uninterested to walk. She used to love to try.
I am still helping her learn and I know we'll get there soon enough 😊
"yabang face"
There she goes begging to be carried. Lol 😄
How time flies so fast! Late last year I couldn't help thinking about when my baby would learn to sit on her own, stand on her own, eat, walk, etc. Now she's a year old! I know, there's nowhere to go but forward, and I will definitely miss Bean's being a baby 😞
She turned one last August 9. It wasn't exactly a happy day because she had high fever for a couple of days including her birthday. But I still made a mini celebration for her. I even decorated a bit, baked, and my husband cooked. She still enjoyed her special day 😊
We also threw a party last August 12 to include family and friends ❤
Of course, I baked ❤
So my cousin offered me a job from their friend. I don't know if I could call him my friend 'cos I've only been in his company during "inuman". Anyway, it's a writing job that I can do at home when my baby is asleep. I have no professional writing experience, or background but I wanted to try. It is always good to earn extra money on the side even if my husband told me I could skip work for the meantime as I am so into being a mom. I am willing to shoulder some of our expenses too. Not because my husband told me to, I really want to help. It's a rewarding feeling. And this job came just in time because I am running out of things to do. Today, I saw one of the articles I've written andit feels nice.
Anyway, I am so excited to go out and about with our daughter. We are all looking forward to our Macau/Hong Kong trip which is in two weeks :) My husband and I are already preparing and listing down the things we need, since this is our first time to travel with a baby.
Bean is also growing so fast! This morning, as I was eating bread, I let her play with my iPad...and there, she took her first picture:
Smart.
Contrary to what people know, I am very conscious of my body. And even if I used to be reed thin...I never ever wore a bikini without some swim shorts. Back when my husband was still my boyfriend, he used to tell me it was okay to drop the shorts and just wear the swimsuit. But I never got the confidence.
I guess being a mom changed me, physically and mentally. I kept on showing my husband how the swimsuit fit..he kept insisting not to wear the shorts with it. So I gave in. NO MORE SHORTS. I wasn't totally confident about it. I even let my husband and daughter swim first...not until my daughter cried that I took my robe off and showed the world my mommy hips.
At first I thought, "wala naman akong kilala dito e"
Surprisingly, there was one person.
I was trying to fight the urge to faint...and I was trying to come up with any consolation...and I did.
I told myself to be proud of my body, even just a bit, because I have given birth to a beautiful baby girl. I had to sacrifice my 34-24-32 body for a beautiful baby. Shouldn't I be proud?
Anyway, we took our little Bean swimming for the weekend--her first swim. We also purchased her first swimsuit.
Doesn't she look cute? :)
She went with her daddy first (as I was mustering up the confidence to remove my robe)...then she cried. So I removed my robe (like Superman) and came to the rescue with my mommy powers.
There she is before crying :)
I think she loves the water, since she's always excited during bath time.
She's so happy after her swim!
We even woke up early the next day to swim again.
Fridays are for relaxation. My husband doesn't work on Fridays that is why I could relax a bit because I have help with our daughter. Also, I am not so bored because every moment with him is a laugh :)
Here's something to laugh at: me showing him a how a certain bikini fit on my wider hips...him and our baby smiling--our baby out of sheer innocence...him--I do not know. Hehe.
I am currently waiting for him because he got the car washed. He promised to bring home something to drink.
Happy Friday :)
I can't wait to start going places...me and my husband have a few things on our list...and the first is to go swimming with Bean. We have an overnigh stay at the Crowne Plaza this weekend and we absolutely must take a dip with our girl.
I am not so excited to sport my swimwear, but I am excited to pick out my baby's swimsuit.
I always looked forward to summer. I was always excited to visit our beach house in Zambales. No, I wasn't so excited to get into a bikini, but I can say that my body then carried a bikini well--being washboard thin.
Last summer, I sported a baby bump so I was all covered up. Then after giving birth I was so worried because I was looking plump. I'd get depressed at times. When my husband is at work and my baby is asleep, I cry. Because I was fat, just like in high school.
No boys liked me then, so I dropped the pounds through college and there they were lining up...I dropped more after college...and the list went on longer than usual. Then I had my first job, which even caused me to look sickly thin...and then I got a boyfriend (now husband)...who always forced me to eat. He always reminded me that it wasn't only the way I looked that he loved, besides he asked me to gain a few pounds. I said I would, but I never did. And this became our constant arguement.
To his surprise, I did pile on some pounds during my pregnancy. A grand total of 27 pounds. Some books said that this is within normal range (imagine the guilt I felt because I was still dieting during those nine months) and that you'd lose it all after having your baby. Well I lost some. To my horror, not all. I had an excess of ten pounds. I started working out last February...and lost 4 lbs....then the losing stopped.
Good thing our helper quit, so I had to do all the house work plus being a mom...now I got my body back! Yes, I have wider hips...but that might add a little shape to my frame ( plus bigger boobs lol).
That is why I'm ready to go back to the beach.
:)
I haven't been blogging. Yep. I got my timetable whacked. But now, I am trying to make time for the things I like.
See, my daughter is like a Koala. She wants to be carried most of the time...by me. The one and only, me. I am lucky enough if she lasts an hour on her chair...or 30 minutes in her activity center...and this does not happen everyday. It's just me and her at home everyday, and I am becoming her favorite source of entertainment. From singing to dancing, to drama actress and comedienne....the list goes on. My husband used to share half the work, but now that he's busy with his career and masterals (plus his 2:30 PM to 10:30 PM shift) it's just me with most of the housework and our baby.
You'd think I'd burn out, but I haven't so far. I even squeeze in workouts and movies at times. It's just a matter of time management and a huge supply of that which they call PATIENCE. I admit that sometimes patience grows thin, but just a smile or a laugh from my little girl makes me feel guilty. I love her to bits.
So this is what they call PARENTHOOD. Lol.
I have that MOM endurance going on. Making time for housework, baby, husband...and soon...work. I thank my husband for allowing me to be a full time mom for now.
Moving on to other things....
....I failed to do the photo-a-day challenge...maybe I can still catch up.
Freebean:
I have decided that 2012 will be a year of challenging myself. See, I am not one of the bravest people on earth. I am a coward in so many things, though my "Cruella Deville" image doesnt't show it. Most things that I am afraid of are those that I couldn't accept. Mostly, they are about me. I am afraid to be judged...this is why if you were my friend...you'd notice that I rarely judge people.
I am scared to look stupid, afraid to look fat. Because I have worked so hard to be stick-thin...and to be at the top of my class and everything else.
But I guess, maturity comes with age. I am a mother now, to the most adorable baby girl. Yes, I am in a battle with my weight, but no matter if I lose it or not...I would'nt take it so hard as I used too. It's just 5 pounds anyway. What is that compared to the happy life I have now, right? So I am challenging myself to be more accepting of change.
I have never met anyone (no offense) who sees things the way I do...so I am the smartest in my own world. But my husband is also smart in his own right...so I am challenging myself to be more open with the opinions of others.
There are also a lot more I have to face, but I will take it one step at a time.
Also, I am up to this challenge I saw on the net lately:
Who else wants to join? :)
It all started with Emma Watson.
I have always been a fan of long hair. Very long hair. I had long hair since I was 19 years old. It has been my obsession to keep it growing. Not until a heartbreak mid-2007 that made me cut it into a bob early 2008. This lasted for a year because my hair grows fast...really fast. I have worn my hair long again ever since.
Then Emma Watson happened. She cut her hair so short, it appealed to me instantly. But I didn't have the balls to do that. And since I was in the late part of my pregnancy...there was no way I'd get that haircut because I'd look like a lollipop with hair.
Then I forgot about it for a while, due to mommy duties and because I was so busy being happy with my baby.
Then, at the start of 2012 I began seeing a lot of stars with short hair. Michelle Williams, Audrey Tautou, Emily Browning...and the girl from Alice in Wonderland...oh Mia Wasikowska. So, this is when I was itching for a haircut so bad that I couldn't sleep. Everyday I would browse through sites on and about girls with short hair. I asked my cousins if short hair would suit me...and most of them told me it's risky since my face is "cheeky". Also, an aunt of mine told me that my hair looked nice...long. So I told my husband...I'll have to cancel my haircut appointment.
We were at the mall a week ago and then he saw the huge ZARA display and told me that the girl's hair would look nice on me:
I loved the hair!!! So the itch came back...and has doubled it's intensity.
Then, Ginnifer Goodwin happened.
I happened to come across her when I browsed through sites...but it was when I was watching "Once Upon A Time", that I realized that she had a round face like mine. She was my hope. I immediately showed my husband and he told me to go get that haircut!
I went to the salon with him and our baby. I was dead scared. I showed the stylist the hairstyles that I brought with me. He was hesitant to cut my hair because he said it was long and nice. I told him that I had already thought about this, and it took me a month to make up my mind. I told him to cut it before I chicken out.
After two hours....I had my shortest hair ever (except as a baby). My husband couldn't stop smiling...and our daughter could't wait to jump into my arms. So I thought...maybe this hair suits me more..because they seem happy about it.
As for me, I love it. It's easy to style and manage...I get to save on shampoo and conditioner too. one of the sweetest things my husband told me to convince me was to get the haircut that I wanted because I have been obsessing about it, it would definately look good on me (for him atleast), and that because I had no time to fix my hair since I'm so busy with our daughter...it might make me feel better...and it did. It felt liberating. Having short hair, you would't be able to hide your face....so you'd develop more confidence...it worked for me.
Yes, you met him first. You've kissed him first...touched him first. You met a boy whom you thought was the one.
He met me. Kissed me next...touched me. Just the same, for me he's the one.
The only difference is...
For him, I am the one.
So stop blaming me for whatever it is you've lost. I have never met you, nor will I ever want to.
Stop bitchin', pack it up, go away.
Grow up.
Move on.
Let go.
I have been wanting to chop all of my hair off. It's not going to be the first time....for I have done it last 2008 as you can see here:
I want to do it all over again...but I fear that it wouldn't suit me any more. See, back then I was thin. Now I am dealing with a few more pounds, still from my pregnancy...which is now down to 7. Yes I know my face is "cheeky" and a bit round...but I've seen a few stars with sort hair that have round faces, like Ginnifer Goodwin.
I have just been itching for a change.
Here are a few photos of what I want my hair to look like:
Or if I go a little more crazy...maybe something like the following:
I need help! Yes I know it's just hair. Hair grows back. My husband keeps on telling me it would look good...but the pounds say no...no and NO. That is why I am so torn. I am still on my way to getting rid of them...jogging everyday...doing crunches. Dieting...even if my ulcer is back.
I really want to get rid of my hair...but I need more confidence.
If you were in my place...what would you do?
...or something like that. I remeber that line being said by Sean Connery in a move (I think it was Entrapment). Before I had a baby I was soooo thin...sooo thin that I took glory in that. If I wanted to lose 5 pounds in two weeks...I could. Nothing was impossible.
I gained a total of 30 pounds during my pregnancy. I lost 23 pounds after giving birth leaving me 7 to 8 more pounds to lose. Whenever I worry about those pounds, my dad always tells me, "It's all worth it...isn't it?"
Yes, every pound was and is worth it. I was so excited to breastfeed because it will burn pounds faster..sadly..two weeks after giving birth my milk ran out. Also, I had an emergency C-section...which got infected and opened...which made my time to recover slow...so exercising was still out of the question. It was okay for a while...I lost weight slowly...it's just that I got stuck with 8. I know I had to make an effort to make it disappear...yet I found it hard to make time for exercise because I always wanted to play with my daughter.
At the end of 2011, I asked my husband to help me. He always made time for me, and we went running after his work at the office. But this period was short-lived because we became busy moving to a new place.
But now that we're settled...I started working out again. I forgot how great it feels! Nope, there are no instant results...but the feeling of accomplishment gives me comfort, knowing that every day I am a step closer to my goal.
I am a mom now, I have to be stronger. A little comment like, 'hey you gained weight after pregnancy' should not put me down. I should have better things to do...not just for myself, but for my little one and for my husband.
Also, as I have a bad habit of comparing, I have noticed that the people who give me those comments are those who have nothing good to do. More importantly, they are not a big part of my life. My husband reminds me everyday...that what should matter to me is the way that he sees me, how much my family loves me...just the way I am.
I currently finished 1 week of working out. Let's see where this gets me in a month. But I am planning to do this on a daiy basis...just like before I got pregnant.
God is good, all the time.
So we got our own place, and I still need to get used to it. I'm not sad, just adjusting to a new kind of life. I miss my parents and brothers everyday...but I just think that they aren't too far. I got my daughter and husband with me and that makes me happy...but the sentiment of having my parents and siblings around lingers. But as my dad texted me...everybody moves on.
It's just hard because we Filipinos are very close knit. Well it would be okay...we just live 10 minutes apart.
Anyway, January went by so fast. Apart from moving, we organized a shoot! It has been so long since we made some photos...and we did, about two weeks ago. For the whole of December I had been preoccupied with finding a model. Yes, maarte ako. If you're not my type....sorry I don't want to shoot you (using a camera...but a gun? Maybe. Hehehe), so there I was going through Facebook...and I found about two that I liked. I kept on consulting my husband, and our dear friend, Gian...if they liked the modes that I've picked. We ended up shooting Nova. Before the shoot I was insecure because I had not been practicing my makeup, photography, nor my post processing skills. But the drive to make something beautiful was so strong that all the energy left in me before the shoot was invested in research, research and research.
During the day of the shoot nervousness got a hold of me...but I did what I had to do. We all had fun. The model was fun to shoot too. It was a tiring yet productive day, for me atleast.
Due to mommy and household duties I have only made one photo and I would like to share it with you guys. For those who appreciate my work...thnk you very much :)
Model: Nova Torres
HMUA: Me :)
Thank you to my husband, Adam; Gian, Kirsten...and Ms. Quel Tiangco for the gowns :)
I ended up posting this photo...there is another one...but since my laptop is junk and not calibrated..I used this instead :)
When I was young, I wanted to grow up fast. I wanted to have it all...a job, a car, my own place, my own family. I was itching to skip everything else. Now that I've got it all...it seems that time flew by so fast. It's as if yesterday, it was only my 18th birthday. I used to fear being happy, because I could lose everything in an instant; now...I kind of fear getting old, losing people I love. Things change.
I had a job (wich I had to quit during my pregnancy), I have a husband (who I love so much), an adorable daughter (who I am so in love with), and we have a new place...wasn't that what I always wanted?
We're moving in 2 days. I have been crying like crazy, we haven't even moved yet. It's because I haven't been away from my family this way...permanently. The little girl in me will miss a lot of things like: breakfast with my dad, making kulit my mom, movies with dad, koreanovelas with my mom, my brothers, my room, the tree outside, the dogs...everything! I will miss the smell of my parents' room...the laughter during dinner...and many more.
There have been a lot of changes since I got married and had a baby. I am happy where I am. I have accepted the fact that I've grown up...but I am still my parents' baby no matter what.
I am sad, at the same time excited. We've already bought finishing touches for our places...maybe at times change is good. My husband has been so kind and understanding to let us stay at my parents' during weekends so I don't miss them so much.
I admit, I was a Twilight Saga fan....of the books...not the movie. I discovered these books (at that time only Twilight and New Moon were out) through my cousin Jessica on a one week stay at their house. She said she borrowed the book from our other cousin, and that it was an easy-read. It was summer and I was still out of work a year after college graduation, so without anything to do, I read the book. I immidiately got caught in the story, but because she was still reading it...I stopped. It was one of the most memorable summer break for me because all we did was eat, read, watch Cold Case and talk. Anyway, after my stay I couldn't resist buying the book, so I passed by National Bookstore and purchased the first two books...and fiished one book a day. My cousin and I couldn't wait for the third book. I am more of a Harry Potter fan so I reserve my books before they were out...but when Eclipse came out...we couldn't get a hold of any...everywhere around the city. I even called bookstores and asked...and there was only one copy left in Metro Manila...at National Bookstore Recto. I begged the lady to reserve the book for me withoud deposit Nd said I'd be there within an hour since I was coming from Fairview. Voila! I had my copy. My cousin even got her copy at SM BAGUIO! But my interest in the books slowly faded because Bella and Edward were becoming so sappy. And the movies were a disappointment to me.
I just watched one of the Twilight movies on TV and tried out looking like a vampire. I only did half of my face since I'm taking care of my baby. Sorry for my messy hair...and the look is incomplete without my contacts and false lashes, though I will be making a decent photo soon.
Good day.
No YaYa
It has been 2 weeks since my daughter's yaya went away. Nope, I did not fire her, and yes, I was very kind to her. She just decided to go away with a guy. I have to say that the first few days were difficult because she's been with us for two months. And for those two months I had time to do some things freely, though I was still a very hands-on mom inspite of her being there. I could research on the net, practice makeup, make photos and do post in Photoshop.
The first day that she was gone, everything was a mess. From my daughter's things to my appearance. I couldn't tell which I had to do first...wash the bottles, sterilize...fix her clothes, take a bath, eat...I was lost. But as days passed by I came to device my routines in tune with my baby's schedule. She usually wakes up around 7-8 AM, she drinks her milk and I eat my breakfast; I take her for a walk; we play for a while...then she naps for 30 mins to an hour while I do her bottles and shower; she wakes up and we play; then she eats then naps again for the same amount of time. I look for what I can eat for lunch and eat; she wakes up for her feeding then we play again. I leave her in my sight with her toys so I can prepare her bath; I give her a bath; she plays for a while then naps again...during this time her nap is long which lasts about 2-3 hours. This is when I either sleep or do some art, read, watch youtube, etc. Then I fix whatever I need to fix and do things I have to do. She wakes up again and eats...I take her for a walk; we play...she sleeps...We eat dinner, she wakes up to eat...and plays until she falls asleep. She sleeps at around 9-10 PM, which gives me free time until midnight. I am so lucky that she has been sleeping through the night since she was 2 months old, she doesn't even need a feed.
So that's it...my road to being a supermom and a superwife :) thanks yaya for going away.
I want to go blonde. I do not care if it doesn't look nice, if it looks cheap, if it doesn't fit my face shape. I want to transition into the person I envision on a daily basis. Some people (most) would call me artsy, maybe they perceive me so just because I know how to draw, without regard to the fact that compared to more artists...I suck; I think I am more crazy than artsy...and I have been caging this craziness for so long. How I long for the day that I could just unleash the demented me who wants to live in a state of spontaneity and nirvana. I refuse to deem that it is age that withered this fire in me. I used to cut my hair when I get bored...buy clothes that people do not actually wear, make tons of photos and not care. I used to change myself frequently and not give a damn.
Yes, I loved being skinny. And now 4 months after giving birth...I still have around 8-6 pounds to lose...and it is so hard. I could not go on diets because I need the energy to care for our baby... There is minimal time for exercise because I am a full time mom. I was so ecxited, then, to breastfeed because they said it burns calories...unfortunately, my milk ran out in 3 weeks. Not that I'm feeling bad about it. I adore my little one and being there full time to care for her is my life. I just hoped I could be like those lucky moms who lose all the weight immidiately. Well I am not, and even though I am carrying a few extra pounds, I'd like to think that there is just more of me to love. But I am dedicating the first half of the year to lose all the weight, slowly but surely.
I want to go into metamorphosis. To become the person I want to be.
So here is a couple of things to do this 2012:
Go blonde
Find projects
Run
Learn to cook
Be the best mom ever (or second best after my mom)
Be a good daughter
Be the greatest wife
Develop my art skills
Make more photographs
Have my films developed
Lose weight
Be free.
Happy New Year :)
