Challenge

I have decided that 2012 will be a year of challenging myself. See, I am not one of the bravest people on earth. I am a coward in so many things, though my "Cruella Deville" image doesnt't show it. Most things that I am afraid of are those that I couldn't accept. Mostly, they are about me. I am afraid to be judged...this is why if you were my friend...you'd notice that I rarely judge people.

I am scared to look stupid, afraid to look fat. Because I have worked so hard to be stick-thin...and to be at the top of my class and everything else.

But I guess, maturity comes with age. I am a mother now, to the most adorable baby girl. Yes, I am in a battle with my weight, but no matter if I lose it or not...I would'nt take it so hard as I used too. It's just 5 pounds anyway. What is that compared to the happy life I have now, right? So I am challenging myself to be more accepting of change.

I have never met anyone (no offense) who sees things the way I do...so I am the smartest in my own world. But my husband is also smart in his own right...so I am challenging myself to be more open with the opinions of others.

There are also a lot more I have to face, but I will take it one step at a time.

Also, I am up to this challenge I saw on the net lately:

Who else wants to join? :)

Short Cut

It all started with Emma Watson.

I have always been a fan of long hair. Very long hair. I had long hair since I was 19 years old. It has been my obsession to keep it growing. Not until a heartbreak mid-2007 that made me cut it into a bob early 2008. This lasted for a year because my hair grows fast...really fast. I have worn my hair long again ever since.

Then Emma Watson happened. She cut her hair so short, it appealed to me instantly. But I didn't have the balls to do that. And since I was in the late part of my pregnancy...there was no way I'd get that haircut because I'd look like a lollipop with hair.

Then I forgot about it for a while, due to mommy duties and because I was so busy being happy with my baby.

Then, at the start of 2012 I began seeing a lot of stars with short hair. Michelle Williams, Audrey Tautou, Emily Browning...and the girl from Alice in Wonderland...oh Mia Wasikowska. So, this is when I was itching for a haircut so bad that I couldn't sleep. Everyday I would browse through sites on and about girls with short hair. I asked my cousins if short hair would suit me...and most of them told me it's risky since my face is "cheeky". Also, an aunt of mine told me that my hair looked nice...long. So I told my husband...I'll have to cancel my haircut appointment.

We were at the mall a week ago and then he saw the huge ZARA display and told me that the girl's hair would look nice on me:

I loved the hair!!! So the itch came back...and has doubled it's intensity.

Then, Ginnifer Goodwin happened.

I happened to come across her when I browsed through sites...but it was when I was watching "Once Upon A Time", that I realized that she had a round face like mine. She was my hope. I immediately showed my husband and he told me to go get that haircut!

I went to the salon with him and our baby. I was dead scared. I showed the stylist the hairstyles that I brought with me. He was hesitant to cut my hair because he said it was long and nice. I told him that I had already thought about this, and it took me a month to make up my mind. I told him to cut it before I chicken out.

After two hours....I had my shortest hair ever (except as a baby). My husband couldn't stop smiling...and our daughter could't wait to jump into my arms. So I thought...maybe this hair suits me more..because they seem happy about it.

As for me, I love it. It's easy to style and manage...I get to save on shampoo and conditioner too. one of the sweetest things my husband told me to convince me was to get the haircut that I wanted because I have been obsessing about it, it would definately look good on me (for him atleast), and that because I had no time to fix my hair since I'm so busy with our daughter...it might make me feel better...and it did. It felt liberating. Having short hair, you would't be able to hide your face....so you'd develop more confidence...it worked for me.

I Am.

Yes, you met him first. You've kissed him first...touched him first. You met a boy whom you thought was the one.

He met me. Kissed me next...touched me. Just the same, for me he's the one.

The only difference is...

For him, I am the one.

So stop blaming me for whatever it is you've lost. I have never met you, nor will I ever want to.

Stop bitchin', pack it up, go away.

Grow up.

Move on.

Let go.

Such a Coward

I have been wanting to chop all of my hair off. It's not going to be the first time....for I have done it last 2008 as you can see here:

I want to do it all over again...but I fear that it wouldn't suit me any more. See, back then I was thin. Now I am dealing with a few more pounds, still from my pregnancy...which is now down to 7. Yes I know my face is "cheeky" and a bit round...but I've seen a few stars with sort hair that have round faces, like Ginnifer Goodwin.

I have just been itching for a change.

Here are a few photos of what I want my hair to look like:

Or if I go a little more crazy...maybe something like the following:

I need help! Yes I know it's just hair. Hair grows back. My husband keeps on telling me it would look good...but the pounds say no...no and NO. That is why I am so torn. I am still on my way to getting rid of them...jogging everyday...doing crunches. Dieting...even if my ulcer is back.

I really want to get rid of my hair...but I need more confidence.

If you were in my place...what would you do?

Yes It's Impossible But Doable

...or something like that. I remeber that line being said by Sean Connery in a move (I think it was Entrapment). Before I had a baby I was soooo thin...sooo thin that I took glory in that. If I wanted to lose 5 pounds in two weeks...I could. Nothing was impossible.

I gained a total of 30 pounds during my pregnancy. I lost 23 pounds after giving birth leaving me 7 to 8 more pounds to lose. Whenever I worry about those pounds, my dad always tells me, "It's all worth it...isn't it?"

Yes, every pound was and is worth it. I was so excited to breastfeed because it will burn pounds faster..sadly..two weeks after giving birth my milk ran out. Also, I had an emergency C-section...which got infected and opened...which made my time to recover slow...so exercising was still out of the question. It was okay for a while...I lost weight slowly...it's just that I got stuck with 8. I know I had to make an effort to make it disappear...yet I found it hard to make time for exercise because I always wanted to play with my daughter.

At the end of 2011, I asked my husband to help me. He always made time for me, and we went running after his work at the office. But this period was short-lived because we became busy moving to a new place.

But now that we're settled...I started working out again. I forgot how great it feels! Nope, there are no instant results...but the feeling of accomplishment gives me comfort, knowing that every day I am a step closer to my goal.

I am a mom now, I have to be stronger. A little comment like, 'hey you gained weight after pregnancy' should not put me down. I should have better things to do...not just for myself, but for my little one and for my husband.

Also, as I have a bad habit of comparing, I have noticed that the people who give me those comments are those who have nothing good to do. More importantly, they are not a big part of my life. My husband reminds me everyday...that what should matter to me is the way that he sees me, how much my family loves me...just the way I am.

I currently finished 1 week of working out. Let's see where this gets me in a month. But I am planning to do this on a daiy basis...just like before I got pregnant.

God is good, all the time.

Bean at Ecopark

Adam wanted to take Bean to La Mesa Ecopark for a change. Of course, I was excited too because it was an opportunity to take pictures. At first our little girl kept on looking around, maybe she was overwhelmed with unfamiliarity. But a few minutes of walking did the trick...she was all smiles...well-behaved. I know that I do not look like my daughter...she is even more Caucasian looking than her half-British dad...I know people looked...they always do. Most of the time they'd blurt out how cute our daughter is....how white she is...how pretty...then they will look at me questioningly..

Yup...they wonder...'Is that the mom?'

Twice I've been mistaken as the YAYA of my daughter. Oftentimes they ask me what nationality my husband is. I used to get offended, but now I am just thankful that they appreciate my little girl. Even I couldn't believe I gave birth to something so lovely.




God is good, all the time.

A Busy January

So we got our own place, and I still need to get used to it. I'm not sad, just adjusting to a new kind of life. I miss my parents and brothers everyday...but I just think that they aren't too far. I got my daughter and husband with me and that makes me happy...but the sentiment of having my parents and siblings around lingers. But as my dad texted me...everybody moves on.

It's just hard because we Filipinos are very close knit. Well it would be okay...we just live 10 minutes apart.

Anyway, January went by so fast. Apart from moving, we organized a shoot! It has been so long since we made some photos...and we did, about two weeks ago. For the whole of December I had been preoccupied with finding a model. Yes, maarte ako. If you're not my type....sorry I don't want to shoot you (using a camera...but a gun? Maybe. Hehehe), so there I was going through Facebook...and I found about two that I liked. I kept on consulting my husband, and our dear friend, Gian...if they liked the modes that I've picked. We ended up shooting Nova. Before the shoot I was insecure because I had not been practicing my makeup, photography, nor my post processing skills. But the drive to make something beautiful was so strong that all the energy left in me before the shoot was invested in research, research and research.

During the day of the shoot nervousness got a hold of me...but I did what I had to do. We all had fun. The model was fun to shoot too. It was a tiring yet productive day, for me atleast.

Due to mommy and household duties I have only made one photo and I would like to share it with you guys. For those who appreciate my work...thnk you very much :)

Model: Nova Torres
HMUA: Me :)

Thank you to my husband, Adam; Gian, Kirsten...and Ms. Quel Tiangco for the gowns :)

I ended up posting this photo...there is another one...but since my laptop is junk and not calibrated..I used this instead :)

Changes

When I was young, I wanted to grow up fast. I wanted to have it all...a job, a car, my own place, my own family. I was itching to skip everything else. Now that I've got it all...it seems that time flew by so fast. It's as if yesterday, it was only my 18th birthday. I used to fear being happy, because I could lose everything in an instant; now...I kind of fear getting old, losing people I love. Things change.

I had a job (wich I had to quit during my pregnancy), I have a husband (who I love so much), an adorable daughter (who I am so in love with), and we have a new place...wasn't that what I always wanted?

We're moving in 2 days. I have been crying like crazy, we haven't even moved yet. It's because I haven't been away from my family this way...permanently. The little girl in me will miss a lot of things like: breakfast with my dad, making kulit my mom, movies with dad, koreanovelas with my mom, my brothers, my room, the tree outside, the dogs...everything! I will miss the smell of my parents' room...the laughter during dinner...and many more.

There have been a lot of changes since I got married and had a baby. I am happy where I am. I have accepted the fact that I've grown up...but I am still my parents' baby no matter what.

I am sad, at the same time excited. We've already bought finishing touches for our places...maybe at times change is good. My husband has been so kind and understanding to let us stay at my parents' during weekends so I don't miss them so much.

Twilight

I admit, I was a Twilight Saga fan....of the books...not the movie. I discovered these books (at that time only Twilight and New Moon were out) through my cousin Jessica on a one week stay at their house. She said she borrowed the book from our other cousin, and that it was an easy-read. It was summer and I was still out of work a year after college graduation, so without anything to do, I read the book. I immidiately got caught in the story, but because she was still reading it...I stopped. It was one of the most memorable summer break for me because all we did was eat, read, watch Cold Case and talk. Anyway, after my stay I couldn't resist buying the book, so I passed by National Bookstore and purchased the first two books...and fiished one book a day. My cousin and I couldn't wait for the third book. I am more of a Harry Potter fan so I reserve my books before they were out...but when Eclipse came out...we couldn't get a hold of any...everywhere around the city. I even called bookstores and asked...and there was only one copy left in Metro Manila...at National Bookstore Recto. I begged the lady to reserve the book for me withoud deposit Nd said I'd be there within an hour since I was coming from Fairview. Voila! I had my copy. My cousin even got her copy at SM BAGUIO! But my interest in the books slowly faded because Bella and Edward were becoming so sappy. And the movies were a disappointment to me.

I just watched one of the Twilight movies on TV and tried out looking like a vampire. I only did half of my face since I'm taking care of my baby. Sorry for my messy hair...and the look is incomplete without my contacts and false lashes, though I will be making a decent photo soon.

Good day.

No Yaya

No YaYa

It has been 2 weeks since my daughter's yaya went away. Nope, I did not fire her, and yes, I was very kind to her. She just decided to go away with a guy. I have to say that the first few days were difficult because she's been with us for two months. And for those two months I had time to do some things freely, though I was still a very hands-on mom inspite of her being there. I could research on the net, practice makeup, make photos and do post in Photoshop.

The first day that she was gone, everything was a mess. From my daughter's things to my appearance. I couldn't tell which I had to do first...wash the bottles, sterilize...fix her clothes, take a bath, eat...I was lost. But as days passed by I came to device my routines in tune with my baby's schedule. She usually wakes up around 7-8 AM, she drinks her milk and I eat my breakfast; I take her for a walk; we play for a while...then she naps for 30 mins to an hour while I do her bottles and shower; she wakes up and we play; then she eats then naps again for the same amount of time. I look for what I can eat for lunch and eat; she wakes up for her feeding then we play again. I leave her in my sight with her toys so I can prepare her bath; I give her a bath; she plays for a while then naps again...during this time her nap is long which lasts about 2-3 hours. This is when I either sleep or do some art, read, watch youtube, etc. Then I fix whatever I need to fix and do things I have to do. She wakes up again and eats...I take her for a walk; we play...she sleeps...We eat dinner, she wakes up to eat...and plays until she falls asleep. She sleeps at around 9-10 PM, which gives me free time until midnight. I am so lucky that she has been sleeping through the night since she was 2 months old, she doesn't even need a feed.

So that's it...my road to being a supermom and a superwife :) thanks yaya for going away.

In Transition

I want to go blonde. I do not care if it doesn't look nice, if it looks cheap, if it doesn't fit my face shape. I want to transition into the person I envision on a daily basis. Some people (most) would call me artsy, maybe they perceive me so just because I know how to draw, without regard to the fact that compared to more artists...I suck; I think I am more crazy than artsy...and I have been caging this craziness for so long. How I long for the day that I could just unleash the demented me who wants to live in a state of spontaneity and nirvana. I refuse to deem that it is age that withered this fire in me. I used to cut my hair when I get bored...buy clothes that people do not actually wear, make tons of photos and not care. I used to change myself frequently and not give a damn.

Yes, I loved being skinny. And now 4 months after giving birth...I still have around 8-6 pounds to lose...and it is so hard. I could not go on diets because I need the energy to care for our baby... There is minimal time for exercise because I am a full time mom. I was so ecxited, then, to breastfeed because they said it burns calories...unfortunately, my milk ran out in 3 weeks. Not that I'm feeling bad about it. I adore my little one and being there full time to care for her is my life. I just hoped I could be like those lucky moms who lose all the weight immidiately. Well I am not, and even though I am carrying a few extra pounds, I'd like to think that there is just more of me to love. But I am dedicating the first half of the year to lose all the weight, slowly but surely.

I want to go into metamorphosis. To become the person I want to be.

So here is a couple of things to do this 2012:

Go blonde
Find projects
Run
Learn to cook
Be the best mom ever (or second best after my mom)
Be a good daughter
Be the greatest wife
Develop my art skills
Make more photographs
Have my films developed
Lose weight
Be free.

Happy New Year :)

Our Little Angel's First Christmas

Christmas is my favorite time of the year. I grew up in a large house with a large family, so we celebrate Christmas big time. Nope, we're not filthy rich with money...we're filthy rich with love. This year, Christmas is very special to me because I got to celebrate it with two great people in my life...my husband and our daughter :) I feel so happy for our baby because she received a lot of cute gifts...mostly dresses! We can't wait to dress her up. I was more excited opening her gifts than opening mine. I am very grateful for everyone who made Bean a part of their Christmas too.

Also, my husband who spoils me gave me another gift...even if I begged him not to give me anything. His gift was very thoughtful...and it makes me feel that he is concernerd with everything that involves me. We go running or jogging most days and he noticed that the pain in my left knee is getting worse...also...my rubbershoes are getting worn out...so he gave me a new pair. It's cute how he got the right size...he kept on fitting my old ones to get the perfect fit. And I love the design, which means he knows me so well.

I gave him a book on photography which I knew he always wanted, though the surprise was spoiled because I wasn't able to hide it well.

We also had our annual family reunion which was fun. Our daughter got to be a part of our performance...wearing a tube and her grass skirt :) Also we won a major prize during the raffle...an oven toaster. But we have a lot of those from our wedding...and I'm glad that my cousin exchanged her stand fan with us...because we need that more. All in all I really had fun this year...and I'll surely treasure this 2011 Christmas.

This is priceless. Taken during the wait for Noche Buena.

She fell asleep on Christmas eve...tired baby :(

My husband's surprise gift for me :) He is very thoughtful.

My makeup look during our annual family reunion every 25th of December. It is peacock-inspired.

New family :)
This year's theme is hawaiian.

Our baby enjoying our Christmas gift :)

My dearest and most-loving husband on Christmas eve :)
Thank you and I love you!

Holiday Look

I know that we don't have winter season in our country, but still I made a winter look of my own for Christmas. I have a hard time applying makeup on my face because for one, my eyes are uneven...also they are droopy and lastly...I do not understand my eyelids. But I settled for this look using neutral colors.

I purposely put a photo of me without makeup on so that you could see the difference.

P.S. Sorry for my eyebrows...had no time to fix them due to mommy duties :)

27th

Yesterday, I celebrated my 27th birthday. This year there are two things that made it very very special. 1. My husband. 2. Our daughter. I feel so blessed! Every birthday I make it a point to spend it with my whole family; now I also have a family of my own.

This is how I celebrated my birthday:

I woke up around 8AM to a smiling little girl, that alone made my day...I woke my husband up to eat breakfast and take our little girl for a walk since we were leaving early to go the mall and look for her Christmas gift. At the mall, I asked my husband if I could go look at some things I need for makeup so off we went. It was taking me a long time to look at products I wanted to buy so he told me he was just going to look at something around the corner. My husband already gave me early presents. He gave me an iPad 2 last October and told me it was an advance birthday gift. Then last Saturday ( the day before my birthday) he got me makeup products that I wanted. So I never thought that he was going to surprise me with another present. Apparently, he did not go looking for anything. He went to get me another present...a camera connector kit from Apple. Maybe he sees me transferring photos from my camera to my laptop to the iPad so he got me that so I wouldn't have a hard time...for whatever reason I felt so touched. I told him not to get me anything anymore because the iPad alone cost so much already. He told me that he wanted to give me a present on the day of my birthday. I almost cried while we were walking in the mall...but I didnt't (though I did at home :P). No one has ever made me feel that special.

Then we ate lunch at Mexicali; I have been craving for that for almost a month! After that we bought our baby's Christmas present :)

We went home around 3PM...and my husband cooked for me!!!! I used to feel like a princess...now I feel like a queen hehe. He made pasta and Greek salad. Mom made my favorite Kangkong dish and there was also chicken and LECHON. We had a family dinner...a whole family dinner (complete with cousins and pamangkins).

All in all, I had a very wonderful and special day. Thanks to my whole family, most specially to my wonderful and loving husband..and our little angel :)

The Boys

Inspired by SNSD's "The Boys", I tried out this look using local makeup. I only use expensive makeup on models...and use local or cheap makeup for practice. I even used glitters from National Bookstore on my face. Hehe.

Thanks to my husband for coming home early to take this picture.

Our Little Angel's First Christmas Trip

Last December 10, my family (Adam, me and Bean) went to Tagaytay with my family (mom, dad, and brothers). We stayed at Summit Ridge Hotel c/o my mom. Going there, Bean was well behaved in the car...she slept most of the time. We arrived at lunch time and had Japanese food. Bean also had her milk for lunch :) We stayed in our hotel room until late afternoon, then we set off to that Christmas Village (I forgot the name :P)

With Christmas being my favorite time of the year, I really enjoyed it there...most specially...because We have Bean :)

Here's how the condominiums for sale look like :) they sell them for 4M per unit, 40sqm.

Taking pictures inside their office :)

Taking pictures outside their office :) Bean fell asleep waiting.



We went to see one of the houses there. They have cosy interiors...if I had won the lottery...I would've bought one already!

Some wall decors.

Love this Dining area :)

Nice bed :) I'd love sleeping if this was our bed :)

Family photo time!

I love Christmas...and our daughter makes me love it even more :)


Merry Christmas everyone :)

What's Up In My Head

Before anything else, here is another photo I took of Ms. Patricia Go. Though there were only a few exchange of words...I enjoyed being her MUA and enjoyed photographing her as well :D

I wanted a "Korean-winter" inspired photo so I went for this.

Honestly, a lot has been in my head lately because it's the only thing I can do when I am playing with my daughter (which takes up almost all day :D) Whenever I make/ create something, i.e. a photograph or a face (with makeup), I make it a point to have the confidence to believe in myself and not to brag about it. I am a confessed critic to my own self...and I am very meticulous in what I do. I don't care if everybody...or should I say anybody--likes what I make. I am contented that "I" like it.

I leave my laptop, or any other wi-fi browser I own, online the whole day so that means I see majority of the feeds on Facebook. And the horror whenever I see someone ranting about other people's work (I admit, most of the time it is about photography). I try to tell myself not to mind it. But on a daily basis...I guess I just got full. Some people kind of brag about their work in different ways. Some are bitter about other people's work. Some are just plain bitter....most are overconfident with what they do. I may appear stuck up...or people might think the same way about me...the way I do about them; and it's okay.

I only become a fan of those whom I see are humble, even only in some ways. I rarely "like" a photo because I have an obsessive-compulsive attitude with regards to what is aesthetically pleasing to me. So If I like your work (ehem...PHOTO)...do know that it underwent so much deliberation in my head.

If I appear to be ranting too....hahaha then feel free to think the same about me too :D

Let us all stop being a Scrooge this season. Spread the love <3

This is How Much I Love You

Even after all this time
the sun never says to the earth, "You owe Me."
Look what happens with a love like that,
It lights up the Whole Sky.

-Hafiz

Happy December everyone :D

Baby House Korea

I have been looking for baby slings/ carriers since my baby was born...but couldn't find the one that she loves. I started with a ring sling and at first my daughter loved it. That was when she was still a newborn. Within a month, she started to fuss and cry...then I tried a sling like the one you'd find on http://www.slinglings.com/...she couldn't stand it either; though she sleeps in it every night...on our bed. Then my aunt sent me a Moby wrap...and my baby liked that...the only problem is when it gets too hot, she cries. So I browsed the net for other baby carriers and researched about baby wearing. I saw the Ergobaby, most of the reviews were great but I couldn't get my hands on one here in the Philippines...and if I ordered from the US the shipping fee is as high as the price of the item...so I searched more and found a similar (or almost similar) baby carrier from Babyhouse.co.kr.

They have a lot of designs, printed with cute characters, patterns, animal prints, polka dots, stripes...etc.... but I settled for this cream colored carrier...because I love things when they are simple. Surprisingly....my baby loves this carrier. She was all smiles when I first used it on her. Now she gets excited every time I take her for a walk in this baby carrier. I found the seller through ebay.ph. All items are brand new...and costs 70% less than the baby ergo. The only issue that bothered me is that I got my item after almost two months. I thought it was a problem with the seller...but I found out that the item has been here all along and was stuck in customs. Bad work here in the country. Anyway, I refuse to think about the bad vibes that transpired because now my daughter enjoys being on her carrier :) which makes it easier for me :D

This is how happy she is when being worn with this Babyhouse carrier:

If you're a mom and looking for a good buy (not as expensive as the Ergo) I suggest that you buy this. Happy Holidays :D